They say the first way to move forward from an addiction.....is to first admit to your self that you are an addict...and search deeper as to why and how to get rid of the addiction...
so again i say my name is Ezra....and i am a Weave Addict....
ok so i have been thinking about this for a while...but really didnt know how to action it.....i just couldnt....all of a sudden it became life threatening....(ok so not literally) but u get my drift...
Especially because a number of circumstance just geared me to the fact that i need to limit some things i find myself doing which are influenced by the media or the perceptions of how i should look....
So i wont really describe myself has a designer freak and all...but lets say i like to look NICE....so hair..make up...shoe...bag...the whole works.....but really am a bit lazy to do effective makeup even though i could be better...however i find putting makeup on a bit boring and the fact that i have to wash all that stuff away when i get back from my outing....in other words..the less makeup i put on..the probability i wont need to wash my face when i get back...so i just head for bed.....(yeah i know....digusting but dont judge me..lolll....am sure u do it as well......)so really foundation and eyeliner is what i call makeup......i dont thread and have never threaded my eye brow.....its all too much work.....i just would rather invest in the cloths and hair...than those other things....
so to get straight to it....some months ago i had some nice fringe weave in my hair...and it was so fantastic....that i could live in the hair for another year if i could.....but my scalp was hitching....and you know the whole works....so took the hair out and low and behold i could not believe what was stirring back at me...i mean the whole of my front hair looked like it had been stolen while i was asleep...i mean there where patches mostly at the front....and boy was i upset.....i had to tie a scalf.....and didnt want my hubby to see it....cos if it was up to him..he wants me to go natural with locks.......which i dont find horrible i just think it would make me look rugged...which i dont particularly..like....i like the cool....sophisticated look....you get...lollll.....but again their ladys with locks that i have met that looked sophisticated.....
So this is Ezra.... tieing scarf all over the house which i hardly do except its bed time..(which my hubby finds disgusting anyway)........my husband is perplexed but he dosent say much....so as i have just had a baby 6 months back....well while picking her up....LE goes for my scarf which just falls to the floor....and i almost slapped this child....loll...(u know)...Hubby screams oh my God....!!!!! and then he burst out laughing.....i mean hysterically....u should have seen my face....i mean i took it hard and just couldnt understand what was so funny.....and he is like what happened to your hair???...am thinking in my mind....duh.....it fell out......so he realises am pissed and he apologises and goes on about how i used to have nice hair blah blah blah....am like which nice hair...you never saw the hair anyway.... i mean it really affected me bad....i couldnt go to the salon as i was too ashamed to open the hair in public...so i summon the courage and oh my......I Thank God i have a discreet hair dresser but it was written all over her face...like (what did you do to your hair and all)......i just smiled and made other conversations.......
Anyways it really just brought me back to reflection mode.....( i know its just hair but its surprising how your hair can really knock down your confidence)....i start to think way back and i realise i actually always had a weave or extensions on....or some new style and all...all of a sudden it hit me that i had been habouring this little idol just silent....called yaki or milky way...or which ever weave you do...cos all of a sudden i couldnt do without it.....so has silly has it sounded i prayed to God to let my hair grow....and my spirit convicted me.....and asked me...(so you can put more of those things in your hair....didnt it say...God created man in his Image and saw that it was good).....and am thinking to myself...does that mean i cant have weave in my hair.....as a christian...you know i start to panic within myself......
i think to myself...oh God what would i look like........I just had never done it...would i still be pretty i ask myself....i mean i look back at last month and its so surprising how this hair wahala was such a burden for me.....so please dont get this post wrong...am not telling you not to put weave in your hair....but if it has become something you cannot to without...if it changes the way you see yourself as i felt.....which means that thing on your head is affecting you inside somewhere...then you need to stop and reflect........(So i ask myself if we were created in the image of God...does he want us to do weave for bulk and length...i mean am i telling him the hair he created isnt sufficient and i need to add more stuff to make it look better)? sincerely i dont know and am continuously praying that God opens my Eye.....cos i am a weave Addict..
so back to my story.... i decide to try and rock it with my hair...so i went to my first outing with some friends and boy!!!! did i feel out of place...i just felt so plain and not up to it.....i just really thought everyone would look at me and my forgone front hair and think...why doesnt she just have weave to cover those patches on her head.....(LMAOOOO)......but men!!!! i alerted hubby to my feeling..and he just smiled at me...saying i was the most beautiful woman at the outing)....loll...yeah right....but anyway.....just said a silent prayer within me...and refused to think about my patches and decided to have fun instead....which i eventually did......besides no one made any comment about my patches.....lolll
but well it is 5weeks today with my hair and its almost unbelievable.....its funny i have been dreaming of weave on...LMAOOOO.....but what can a girl do......my front hair has grown gloryyyy to God...and a friend saw me over the wkd...telling me i was rocking my hair which made me feel goodddddd......But really i keep asking myself how long is this going to last......but i am taking it a day at a time....even though i am thinking of putting the hair in Braids soon.....or even locks....who knows.....But God Help me its byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee byeeeeee to my weave on.......Will tell you how it goes though........
if you re out there...and you have your hair most of the time...Pls help me.....let me know how you stop a black woman's hair from breaking and looking good in a world which is perplexed by Long weaves and extension........
xoxoxo
