My name is Ezra and I am a Weave Addict

They say the first way to move forward from an addiction.....is to first admit to your self that you are an addict...and search deeper as to why and how to get rid of the addiction...

so again i say my name is Ezra....and i am a Weave Addict....

ok so i have been thinking about this for a while...but really didnt know how to action it.....i just couldnt....all of a sudden it became life threatening....(ok so not literally) but u get my drift...

Especially because a number of circumstance just geared me to the fact that i need to limit some things i find myself doing which are influenced by the media or the perceptions of how i should look....

So i wont really describe myself has a designer freak and all...but lets say i like to look NICE....so hair..make up...shoe...bag...the whole works.....but really am a bit lazy to do effective makeup even though i could be better...however i find putting makeup on a bit boring and the fact that i have to wash all that stuff away when i get back from my outing....in other words..the less makeup i put on..the probability i wont need to wash my face when i get back...so i just head for bed.....(yeah i know....digusting but dont judge me..lolll....am sure u do it as well......)so really foundation and eyeliner is what i call makeup......i dont thread and have never threaded my eye brow.....its all too much work.....i just would rather invest in the cloths and hair...than those other things....

so to get straight to it....some months ago i had some nice fringe weave in my hair...and it was so fantastic....that i could live in the hair for another year if i could.....but my scalp was hitching....and you know the whole works....so took the hair out and low and behold i could not believe what was stirring back at me...i mean the whole of my front hair looked like it had been stolen while i was asleep...i mean there where patches mostly at the front....and boy was i upset.....i had to tie a scalf.....and didnt want my hubby to see it....cos if it was up to him..he wants me to go natural with locks.......which i dont find horrible i just think it would make me look rugged...which i dont particularly..like....i like the cool....sophisticated look....you get...lollll.....but again their ladys with locks that i have met that looked sophisticated.....

So this is Ezra.... tieing scarf all over the house which i hardly do except its bed time..(which my hubby finds disgusting anyway)........my husband is perplexed but he dosent say much....so as i have just had a baby 6 months back....well while picking her up....LE goes for my scarf which just falls to the floor....and i almost slapped this child....loll...(u know)...Hubby screams oh my God....!!!!! and then he burst out laughing.....i mean hysterically....u should have seen my face....i mean i took it hard and just couldnt understand what was so funny.....and he is like what happened to your hair???...am thinking in my mind....duh.....it fell out......so he realises am pissed and he apologises and goes on about how i used to have nice hair blah blah blah....am like which nice hair...you never saw the hair anyway.... i mean it really affected me bad....i couldnt go to the salon as i was too ashamed to open the hair in public...so i summon the courage and oh my......I Thank God i have a discreet hair dresser but it was written all over her face...like (what did you do to your hair and all)......i just smiled and made other conversations.......

Anyways it really just brought me back to reflection mode.....( i know its just hair but its surprising how your hair can really knock down your confidence)....i start to think way back and i realise i actually always had a weave or extensions on....or some new style and all...all of a sudden it hit me that i had been habouring this little idol just silent....called yaki or milky way...or which ever weave you do...cos all of a sudden i couldnt do without it.....so has silly has it sounded i prayed to God to let my hair grow....and my spirit convicted me.....and asked me...(so you can put more of those things in your hair....didnt it say...God created man in his Image and saw that it was good).....and am thinking to myself...does that mean i cant have weave in my hair.....as a christian...you know i start to panic within myself......

i think to myself...oh God what would i look like........I just had never done it...would i still be pretty i ask myself....i mean i look back at last month and its so surprising how this hair wahala was such a burden for me.....so please dont get this post wrong...am not telling you not to put weave in your hair....but if it has become something you cannot to without...if it changes the way you see yourself as i felt.....which means that thing on your head is affecting you inside somewhere...then you need to stop and reflect........(So i ask myself if we were created in the image of God...does he want us to do weave for bulk and length...i mean am i telling him the hair he created isnt sufficient and i need to add more stuff to make it look better)? sincerely i dont know and am continuously praying that God opens my Eye.....cos i am a weave Addict..

so back to my story.... i decide to try and rock it with my hair...so i went to my first outing with some friends and boy!!!! did i feel out of place...i just felt so plain and not up to it.....i just really thought everyone would look at me and my forgone front hair and think...why doesnt she just have weave to cover those patches on her head.....(LMAOOOO)......but men!!!! i alerted hubby to my feeling..and he just smiled at me...saying i was the most beautiful woman at the outing)....loll...yeah right....but anyway.....just said a silent prayer within me...and refused to think about my patches and decided to have fun instead....which i eventually did......besides no one made any comment about my patches.....lolll

but well it is 5weeks today with my hair and its almost unbelievable.....its funny i have been dreaming of weave on...LMAOOOO.....but what can a girl do......my front hair has grown gloryyyy to God...and a friend saw me over the wkd...telling me i was rocking my hair which made me feel goodddddd......But really i keep asking myself how long is this going to last......but i am taking it a day at a time....even though i am thinking of putting the hair in Braids soon.....or even locks....who knows.....But God Help me its byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee byeeeeee to my weave on.......Will tell you how it goes though........

if you re out there...and you have your hair most of the time...Pls help me.....let me know how you stop a black woman's hair from breaking and looking good in a world which is perplexed by Long weaves and extension........

xoxoxo

Another Revelation

So today i have just finished reading the most inspirational and inspiring book of my life...or say of my entire being....(ok so dont mind me using inspirational and inspiring in the same sentence)

so seriously...how do i explain it...how do i let you understand such revelation...that can only come from Gods love....oh my!!!! i am stammering in my thoughts...because my words fail me on where to start exactly.....

so firstly the name of this book is called "The Shack".....by WM Paul Young...so this book is not fiction of any sort but based on the true story of a man who had an encounter with God in an old shack.....

and ohhh did he bombard God with a lot of questions that we find ourselves asking today
ok so i wont be telling you everything that happened in the book as i want you to read it
but i will be quoting some text from it and just pinpointing what i gained and what captured my being, Although i bet there re somethings i would mention and you would probably be like i knew that already.....but i will state them anyway.....loll

1.that God loves us more than we could ever imagine....i mean more than our being can fathom and although we dont deserve it....he does

2..that God dosent have an expectation of us as he made us remember...(he knows what you re capable of ) but he gives you freewill...(choice) to fellowship with him

3. Jesus christ is God in Humanly form..(Can you believe that...he left the splendour of his heavens to be judged by men)...

4.that everystep of our journey in life...God is actually really with us....(I mean every step of the way practically) even though we cant always tell....

5. that we re incalpable of fulfiling any love to others in christ except through christ himself...

6. that no matter how smart, successful or independent you try to be...you can not live this life without solemnly relying on God...

7.that God dwells with us in the present.....so worrying about your future or something that happened in the past has no point...as the present is what matters...

8..that from every evil or disappointment that happens in our world...even though its not God's intention...he finds a way to redeem you back into a path of good

9..that darkness hides the true size of fears and lies....the truth is they re more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark...when light shines into the places that live inside us we start to see it for what it is...

10..that in our pain we assume the worst of God
11..that God is not big on religion but into a relationship with him...
12..that God will travel any road to find us....

13.. that the bible tells us about Jesus christ and the way he lived...not so that we could copy him....but to learn that he lived a perfect life in christ because he submitted all to the father...either good or evil....(which us has humans never do...we include him in the start and all of a sudden when the bad comes...we re thinking that cant be God).....its about leaving it all to him...either death or sickness or a loss of job...or death of a loved one....

as it quotes in page 136 has God explains what happens without him in our lives

Both evil and darkness can only be understood in relation to light and Good; they do not have any actual existence. I am Light and I am Good..I am love and there is no darkness in me..Light and Good actually exist. so removing yourself from me will plunge you into darkness..Declaring Independence will result in evil because apart from me you can only draw upon yourself..that is death because you have separated yourself from me life......

Do you get this....as we re in darkness without God.....its like a race, we keep going in circles but never reaching the finishing line....just going round and round.....at the end of it...we get exhausted but we still keep looking for the finish line...which we could never find....unless God was there to guide us.....

i urge you to please read this book and let me know what you think as i am seriously perplexed at how simple our God is....how he is not into hierarchy or power of any sort....but how he is full of pure everlasting love.....

"for we should not be conformed to the things of this world"...or about how we should live our life in christ but in all things we should do in accordance to the spirit of God that lives in us...and to seek knowledge from the father who has created us.....

Time

oh how time flies....
how i remember those times
those fun exciting times
when we use to be so excited to meet
taking turns whose house it was next to meet....

Oh...how we use to talk about our then boyfriends now our husbands....
Oh...how we use to endlessly chat on emails with laughter at work....
Oh...how we use to laugh so hard our tummy would hurt
Oh...how we use to laugh so hard with tears running down our eyes
how we use to watch dvds about men cheating and debated all night about what we would do to a man that treated us that way.....
oh..how we had good men.....has lovers........
Oh how i remember those memories of us......
how life was much happier...
more peaceful.....
more loveable.......
more content.......

how we thought marriage will make us better friends....
how we were so excited about our girls night outs and night ins....
how we gisted till day break.....
how exciting we day dreamed about our all girls vacations...
how we daydreamed about our kids becoming best friends....
how we hoped our husbands would be best friends.....
how we shared our latest dread life was throwing our way.....
how we consoled each other....
how we prayed together
Ohhhh how sincerely we loved each other.....

now i know time does fly....
how those times seem like a very distant memory in another life..
ohhh how our marriages opened doors to another life....
ohhhh how it takes a ache and a large amount of self control to keep in touch....
ohhh how life has dished us different passages of it own.....
ohhhh how i miss us....oh how i miss those times.......

ohhhh how i wish time could be reversed.....
ohhhh how i wish moments could be replayed.....
ohhhh how i wish we could forever keep in touch like we use to.....
ohhhhh how i know as much as times cannot be reversed....they re so treasured......
ohhhh how i miss my sisters....my God given friends.....Ohhhhh how i miss usss......

for my gals........

My Big & Small sins

ok what re your big and small sins?......cos God knows i dont commit big sins like Iniquity and stuff.....i only tell really small white lies.....once in a month.......u know......Is dat how you are as well......lolllll

ok so some time ago i remember having a discussion at fellowship...about how big others sins were and how small ours were in comparence....(at least thats what we tell ourselves)

It was amazing to find out that we christians are very good at categorising and been judgemental to other people classifying them as big sinners while we were not....

so a liar looks at a fraudster and says to his conscience....ohhh am i better than the fraudster who steals....i just tell a little lie ever so often.....and the fraudster looks onto the Fornicator and says to himself i only do fraud ones in a while to provide for the family God Gave me......as i am the head and not the tail...

then the fornicator tells himself at least i will marry her one day so i am just sampling my goods before the original day,(there is nothing really wrong with that ...is it????)but at least i am not an adulterer sleeping with another woman while i was married....that must be far worst in Gods Book..

then the wife or friend only says to herself i only gossip when i am very angry or bored and that only happens few days a week.....so its a small sin....i mean we tell ourselves other people commit bigger sins by sleeping with their friends husband or by committing abortion.....but me i only gossip.....and spread rumours about others...so that is not so bad compared to what she did.......

i mean really the list of our classification goes on and on......

so really who owes who accountability, as we re constantly comparing our selves to others to make ourselves feel better...so in everywork of our lifes...we compare partners....we compare kids.....we compare wealth....we compare cars....we compare love...so we have learnt to do in our sins as well......classifying Iniquity as bigger sins and liars as small sin.......

I know this perfect life we inspire to live in christ can only be given to us by the spirit of christ...but why not remove the "plank in our eyes first before removing the sawdust in anothers eyes".....

Has it says in Rev 22: 14
( Blessed are they that do his commandment, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may enter through the gates into the city, for outside are dogs, sorcerers and whoremongers, and murderers and idolaters and whosoever loves and tell a lie)

for me this passage classifies from the biggest of atrocities of sin to the smallest....i mean from Murderers, witchcraft to whoever told a lie.....(Just one lie)......so in other words we re all sinners....small sinners if it makes u feel better or a big sinner....In Gods Word there is no classification of sin....Its under one law.....

But Gods Mercy is so great.....that if we bring our sins before him he is merciful and graceful to forgive......of our sins....

Pls let us try and perfect our ways to be first good people..good neighbours...good friends...good wifes and husbands to each other .....before carrying the banner of christ in other peoples faces.....lets not make christians a bad example to the world......Let the Goodwill of Christs name be evident in our ways of life....our attitude towards others.....and not just in church on sunday or where other christians are gathered to exhibit our best christlike behaviour......But everywhere....May the Holy spirit perfect our ways in christ.....(Amen)...

Have a lovely day everyone.......

Asleep

I watch you as you sleep

How perfect are your smiles....

how imcomprehensible the happiness,

the peace, the Joy.

How much of a Miracle you are,

How it was all worth it....

all the aches, all the cry, all the agony

How specially and wonderfully made you are

How much i love you, How much i needed you...how much i ached to have u.....

How glorious is his love, How bountiful his mercy

How it was all worth it, ohhhh How it was all worth it.......


To my yet so tiny LE........

My First Time

Hello everyone,

So i am new to this, although i have continuously speculated for years if i should own a blog or not...i just couldnt decide....so well i finally got over my fears and procastinating nature and actually got down to it....

sincerely am not sure about what i should be writing, but i am thinking as time goes on, it will take shape...guess it will be a mixture of stories, testimonies daily heart pours,proverbs, poems, revelations, lamentations all the works....

ok a bit about myself....I am a christian reciding in the United Kingdom..i continuously ask for Gods strength to perfect my ways with him....so i strive to be a Good person, a better & developing christian, I am a wife to the most amazing Man on the planet (at least i think) and a mother to the most adorable baby girl in the world...

Well recently i have come to realise that the more you strive to be a better christian, the harder it is to fit into this so called world of ours....from fashion, to hair extensions, to makeup...even to keeping some friends, to music....everything really just gets affected...and ur spirit will query you about some things which u have convinced urself to think its okkk....(Has Christianity should be a way of life not just about going to church)...everything around us is bound to change but cos our flesh, well my flesh is so weak i find myself craving for even the most ridiculous thing to show others u re a bubbly christian, u re fashionista, whatever we can call it. in other words just to be involved in it all.....but then i realised all is Vanity......

I understand that their isnt a reason why we shld become boring christians but really who defines what boring is...(Our TV, Magazines...in other words...the world!!!!) However i think it is important to understand the priority of our being.....which first is that our body, spirit being was designed to serve God and fellowship with him....i have just finished reading a book which shook the whole of my being.. i mean if this is the only book u read in your entire life before u die, i would recommend the THE FALL OF LUCIFER....by Wendy Alec..(The chronicle Brothers)

i mean its such a wonderful revalation into the love of christ for Man, i know their was a bit of fiction to it,but in all its a fantastic insight on how the father loved us and much more.....it tells you how Eve was tempted by lucifer, how lucifer fell from heaven....why he fell....how much God loved lucifer before he fell...i mean believe me this book is an eye opener.....into what we think is okay to do in the world we live in.....it talks about the scams of the Devil on Earth...it talks about it all....Its a must read......xoxoxoxo.....

ok well before i diverted....i have constantly found it hard to love my neighbours not in the literal form but in other words to love everyone around me....cos if you can do that....then well u re 90% almost there....u would obviously not envy a person u love....or gossip about them...or abuse them....or shout abuses at that guy who has cut u up while driving i mean the world would really be a better place...i mean it is like it says in the Good Book Love Conquers all....

I mean the word Love comes a long way...as i know it is easier to love a person who is sweet and kind to us... but what about those ones who constantly envy, abuse and gossip about u....i mean how do u feel towards those people....cos i know i just want to punch them....(God Help me).....Then i wonder how Jesus felt when he DIED for me on the cross even though i wasnt worth it....i mean those people spat, beat, abandoned, and made jest of him and yet he died to wipea way our iniquity so that we could have a chance of Heaven, so that we could fellowship with his father.....so that we could become Covenant Children.....I mean for me that is Overwhelming.....

Can you imagine God in his splendour transformed himself into Man...in other to wash away our sins...he left the majesty of his Kingdom above, where cherubs and seraph sang to him day in day out to come down to earth to be spat on and beaten.....so that i could be with him for eternity......so that u could be with him...(Could you do it....Leave ur mansion whereever u were to the slum.....to live with people who blasphamed and striped u down).....especially when God had the power to make time still...the lord who created the Earth and everything in it(Psalm 24) but he still did not...cos he loved us.....i couldnt have imagined the pain he went through for us.....as i struggle on this earth to perfect my way in Christ i constantly remind myself you cannot give up on urself has he didnt Give up on u....U cant let all that blood!!!! All that Love!!! Go to Waste.....He Paid too much of a Price for me....For u....For us.....Dont You Think!!!!!!