I am happy for you

I love my friends but i love u.,yes u my God given, chosen friend in crisis.You are such a blessing to my soul, a blessing to my world. You have brought so much joy my way. You have given me wisdom and You have made me understand that the God we serve never sleeps nor slumber,You have woken me up when i was asleep in my faith.

You have held my hand when i couldnt see the light.You have been such a diligent friend, a sister, a brother, my helper.The truth as always set us free, and our love of God continuously binds us together. Today i am happy for you like because you persevered and you overcame..

In your pain, in your grief you waited on the lord and the word says (Isaiah 40:31)"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

For your today, tomorow and forever, you re an eagle that has flown over the impossibilities that mans mind project.. As we re more than flesh to our creator. May the love of God that binds us together never depart from us. As Jesus loved his beloved to the end, May we love ourselves till the end. May we continue to be better children to the most high God, better wives to our soul mate and better mothers to the children God has set in our parts to nurture.. Amen.

I am not Perfect? Are you!!!!!!

So really my food for thought since my last post really as been to take life at a more easier pace..and to give myself ease of life..Be happy, make Peace, hold no Grudge, serve God with all i have and continuously be a good person to the people around me, regardless of if they deserve it or not.....(Gulp!!!!!) I know it will be hard but emmmmmmmm by Gods Grace...i will get there..

so i think i have been relatively hard on myself for a couple of years back, taking it gravely to heart everytime someone said i did something to them, i just always thought it was there fault and they misread me and kind of i was always right.. But i thank God for this new found me, of not perfect and it is ok for you to do a thing or two wrong, just think about it looking at both sides and apologise if you need to...and then life continues....

Life is too short, and i want to spend the rest of my time on this earth happy as much as i can be, be a good inflence to other people, help others, Bring people to Christ, Make heaven by his grace, be a Virtuous woman to my tiksy...and a mother of great wisdom and knowledge to my children..

so my logo this month...is to remind myself that I am not perfect!!!!!!!

How do you love your enemies?

ok, so the last couple of weeks i have been ovelwhelmed with thoughts and my state of mind has been kind of funny, to be sincere not that i particurlarly know why. I know i have had continuous re-occuring arguments but i think the worst for me was dealing with people that you didnt even know disliked you in the first place...so when they creep on you...i thought no way!!!!!! and the verdict was stuff that i apparently did about 3- 4 years back, which from my own books i didnt even know existed..so i was angryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

I mean this people made me wonder to God if i was such a horrible person and i had to think to myself would i really have done this, and the more i thought about it the more i could justify to myself that this where just haters...and they just wanted to hate and the more i thought more of it, the more my anger built up...and the more bitterness grew within me..and then i took time out to reflect after some quiet prayer cos i was going to Burst otherwise!!! Thank God for the Holy spirit..

So during my reflection i thought of the following:

If i am to live my life for God fully not halfly i have to emulate the characters he left behind, and we all know no one can walk in the footstep of Jesus unless it was given to you through the grace and Mercy of the father. I thought how could Jesus have died for people who despised him, people who spat on him, slapped him across the face, called him a liar, made a mockery of him and then crucified him on the cross to die Naked and still he thought we were worthy. I mean i have watched so many films of Jesus dying on the cross but i dont think it really hits you personally, and physically of what he did, unless you were in a position to wipe out your enemy especially when you have the power to do it but still you didnt because you loved...wowwwwww...(Man definately cannot comprehend the vastness of Gods Love)

Then i thought the lord thought i was worthy to be died for, he thought you were worthy even though we werent worth it...not worth a dime so then i realised i need to love my enemies, i mean you have to love your enemies.. I mean for me it dosent mean that i have to eat with them or go visiting. But i need to be anger free, i need to be bitterness free, i need to absolutely just think they got me wrong and somewhere in their hatred, there is a likeness of Gods Breath in their soul somewhere..

Cos boy!!!!! i cant let an enemy make me miss heaven...the ultimate price..when i could have loved, liked or at least be conscience free of Hatred "Then on that day one is told...your father Jesus loved, why didnt you love...and you are like but i loved my friends, my husband, my Kids, My family, the Orphans Blah Blah....and then he asks what about that one friend that hurt you, did you love or you did pay back)...God forbid!! not my Portion In Jesus Name and not your portion in Jesus name as well ohhh...Amen..(Loll)...But Jokes aside as hard as it seems please let us love those who hate us and despise us, if God who was perfect in Human form as Jesus Christ, though Perfect was still condemned, how much more us.

So for me another big Lesson Learnt glory to God..I hope it strikes a nerve with someone out there and hopefully you are able to let go...and rid yourself of the bitterness of A Betrayed friend, A betrayed Husband / Wife, A betrayed sibling of any sort even though they deserve every bit of it..you let go, because Christ let go for us so we could be saved..

Happy Newyear

Wow..has it been ages!!!....and boy!!!!! has so many things happened, i have changed, i have growned, i have gained weight, i have lost more weight, i have lost friends and i have gained some more...so really you get the gists that a lot has happened......

How have you been and how is ur newyear going..am sure a lot as changed for you as well..funny thing we are already in May and am still thinking its a New year...

Looking at my last update i have just realised that it is almost a year since i have atually had weave in my hair...oh wow.....Didnt think i would survive my vain- ness but Glory to God i started to see how pretty i was without those little gods i call weave- on...someone scream Halleluyah!!!!!....Apart from the fact that i saved a fortune...no jokes as in i would sometimes change my hair every 2weeks....and even a week when i was having a bad hair day..but thanks to support from Hubby and Bimby lads....LOVE YOU LOADSSSSSS......

I actually had a post in hand wills end that in a minute...Have a Fab day people..

My name is Ezra and I am a Weave Addict

They say the first way to move forward from an addiction.....is to first admit to your self that you are an addict...and search deeper as to why and how to get rid of the addiction...

so again i say my name is Ezra....and i am a Weave Addict....

ok so i have been thinking about this for a while...but really didnt know how to action it.....i just couldnt....all of a sudden it became life threatening....(ok so not literally) but u get my drift...

Especially because a number of circumstance just geared me to the fact that i need to limit some things i find myself doing which are influenced by the media or the perceptions of how i should look....

So i wont really describe myself has a designer freak and all...but lets say i like to look NICE....so hair..make up...shoe...bag...the whole works.....but really am a bit lazy to do effective makeup even though i could be better...however i find putting makeup on a bit boring and the fact that i have to wash all that stuff away when i get back from my outing....in other words..the less makeup i put on..the probability i wont need to wash my face when i get back...so i just head for bed.....(yeah i know....digusting but dont judge me..lolll....am sure u do it as well......)so really foundation and eyeliner is what i call makeup......i dont thread and have never threaded my eye brow.....its all too much work.....i just would rather invest in the cloths and hair...than those other things....

so to get straight to it....some months ago i had some nice fringe weave in my hair...and it was so fantastic....that i could live in the hair for another year if i could.....but my scalp was hitching....and you know the whole works....so took the hair out and low and behold i could not believe what was stirring back at me...i mean the whole of my front hair looked like it had been stolen while i was asleep...i mean there where patches mostly at the front....and boy was i upset.....i had to tie a scalf.....and didnt want my hubby to see it....cos if it was up to him..he wants me to go natural with locks.......which i dont find horrible i just think it would make me look rugged...which i dont particularly..like....i like the cool....sophisticated look....you get...lollll.....but again their ladys with locks that i have met that looked sophisticated.....

So this is Ezra.... tieing scarf all over the house which i hardly do except its bed time..(which my hubby finds disgusting anyway)........my husband is perplexed but he dosent say much....so as i have just had a baby 6 months back....well while picking her up....LE goes for my scarf which just falls to the floor....and i almost slapped this child....loll...(u know)...Hubby screams oh my God....!!!!! and then he burst out laughing.....i mean hysterically....u should have seen my face....i mean i took it hard and just couldnt understand what was so funny.....and he is like what happened to your hair???...am thinking in my mind....duh.....it fell out......so he realises am pissed and he apologises and goes on about how i used to have nice hair blah blah blah....am like which nice hair...you never saw the hair anyway.... i mean it really affected me bad....i couldnt go to the salon as i was too ashamed to open the hair in public...so i summon the courage and oh my......I Thank God i have a discreet hair dresser but it was written all over her face...like (what did you do to your hair and all)......i just smiled and made other conversations.......

Anyways it really just brought me back to reflection mode.....( i know its just hair but its surprising how your hair can really knock down your confidence)....i start to think way back and i realise i actually always had a weave or extensions on....or some new style and all...all of a sudden it hit me that i had been habouring this little idol just silent....called yaki or milky way...or which ever weave you do...cos all of a sudden i couldnt do without it.....so has silly has it sounded i prayed to God to let my hair grow....and my spirit convicted me.....and asked me...(so you can put more of those things in your hair....didnt it say...God created man in his Image and saw that it was good).....and am thinking to myself...does that mean i cant have weave in my hair.....as a christian...you know i start to panic within myself......

i think to myself...oh God what would i look like........I just had never done it...would i still be pretty i ask myself....i mean i look back at last month and its so surprising how this hair wahala was such a burden for me.....so please dont get this post wrong...am not telling you not to put weave in your hair....but if it has become something you cannot to without...if it changes the way you see yourself as i felt.....which means that thing on your head is affecting you inside somewhere...then you need to stop and reflect........(So i ask myself if we were created in the image of God...does he want us to do weave for bulk and length...i mean am i telling him the hair he created isnt sufficient and i need to add more stuff to make it look better)? sincerely i dont know and am continuously praying that God opens my Eye.....cos i am a weave Addict..

so back to my story.... i decide to try and rock it with my hair...so i went to my first outing with some friends and boy!!!! did i feel out of place...i just felt so plain and not up to it.....i just really thought everyone would look at me and my forgone front hair and think...why doesnt she just have weave to cover those patches on her head.....(LMAOOOO)......but men!!!! i alerted hubby to my feeling..and he just smiled at me...saying i was the most beautiful woman at the outing)....loll...yeah right....but anyway.....just said a silent prayer within me...and refused to think about my patches and decided to have fun instead....which i eventually did......besides no one made any comment about my patches.....lolll

but well it is 5weeks today with my hair and its almost unbelievable.....its funny i have been dreaming of weave on...LMAOOOO.....but what can a girl do......my front hair has grown gloryyyy to God...and a friend saw me over the wkd...telling me i was rocking my hair which made me feel goodddddd......But really i keep asking myself how long is this going to last......but i am taking it a day at a time....even though i am thinking of putting the hair in Braids soon.....or even locks....who knows.....But God Help me its byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee byeeeeee to my weave on.......Will tell you how it goes though........

if you re out there...and you have your hair most of the time...Pls help me.....let me know how you stop a black woman's hair from breaking and looking good in a world which is perplexed by Long weaves and extension........

xoxoxo

Another Revelation

So today i have just finished reading the most inspirational and inspiring book of my life...or say of my entire being....(ok so dont mind me using inspirational and inspiring in the same sentence)

so seriously...how do i explain it...how do i let you understand such revelation...that can only come from Gods love....oh my!!!! i am stammering in my thoughts...because my words fail me on where to start exactly.....

so firstly the name of this book is called "The Shack".....by WM Paul Young...so this book is not fiction of any sort but based on the true story of a man who had an encounter with God in an old shack.....

and ohhh did he bombard God with a lot of questions that we find ourselves asking today
ok so i wont be telling you everything that happened in the book as i want you to read it
but i will be quoting some text from it and just pinpointing what i gained and what captured my being, Although i bet there re somethings i would mention and you would probably be like i knew that already.....but i will state them anyway.....loll

1.that God loves us more than we could ever imagine....i mean more than our being can fathom and although we dont deserve it....he does

2..that God dosent have an expectation of us as he made us remember...(he knows what you re capable of ) but he gives you freewill...(choice) to fellowship with him

3. Jesus christ is God in Humanly form..(Can you believe that...he left the splendour of his heavens to be judged by men)...

4.that everystep of our journey in life...God is actually really with us....(I mean every step of the way practically) even though we cant always tell....

5. that we re incalpable of fulfiling any love to others in christ except through christ himself...

6. that no matter how smart, successful or independent you try to be...you can not live this life without solemnly relying on God...

7.that God dwells with us in the present.....so worrying about your future or something that happened in the past has no point...as the present is what matters...

8..that from every evil or disappointment that happens in our world...even though its not God's intention...he finds a way to redeem you back into a path of good

9..that darkness hides the true size of fears and lies....the truth is they re more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark...when light shines into the places that live inside us we start to see it for what it is...

10..that in our pain we assume the worst of God
11..that God is not big on religion but into a relationship with him...
12..that God will travel any road to find us....

13.. that the bible tells us about Jesus christ and the way he lived...not so that we could copy him....but to learn that he lived a perfect life in christ because he submitted all to the father...either good or evil....(which us has humans never do...we include him in the start and all of a sudden when the bad comes...we re thinking that cant be God).....its about leaving it all to him...either death or sickness or a loss of job...or death of a loved one....

as it quotes in page 136 has God explains what happens without him in our lives

Both evil and darkness can only be understood in relation to light and Good; they do not have any actual existence. I am Light and I am Good..I am love and there is no darkness in me..Light and Good actually exist. so removing yourself from me will plunge you into darkness..Declaring Independence will result in evil because apart from me you can only draw upon yourself..that is death because you have separated yourself from me life......

Do you get this....as we re in darkness without God.....its like a race, we keep going in circles but never reaching the finishing line....just going round and round.....at the end of it...we get exhausted but we still keep looking for the finish line...which we could never find....unless God was there to guide us.....

i urge you to please read this book and let me know what you think as i am seriously perplexed at how simple our God is....how he is not into hierarchy or power of any sort....but how he is full of pure everlasting love.....

"for we should not be conformed to the things of this world"...or about how we should live our life in christ but in all things we should do in accordance to the spirit of God that lives in us...and to seek knowledge from the father who has created us.....

Time

oh how time flies....
how i remember those times
those fun exciting times
when we use to be so excited to meet
taking turns whose house it was next to meet....

Oh...how we use to talk about our then boyfriends now our husbands....
Oh...how we use to endlessly chat on emails with laughter at work....
Oh...how we use to laugh so hard our tummy would hurt
Oh...how we use to laugh so hard with tears running down our eyes
how we use to watch dvds about men cheating and debated all night about what we would do to a man that treated us that way.....
oh..how we had good men.....has lovers........
Oh how i remember those memories of us......
how life was much happier...
more peaceful.....
more loveable.......
more content.......

how we thought marriage will make us better friends....
how we were so excited about our girls night outs and night ins....
how we gisted till day break.....
how exciting we day dreamed about our all girls vacations...
how we daydreamed about our kids becoming best friends....
how we hoped our husbands would be best friends.....
how we shared our latest dread life was throwing our way.....
how we consoled each other....
how we prayed together
Ohhhh how sincerely we loved each other.....

now i know time does fly....
how those times seem like a very distant memory in another life..
ohhh how our marriages opened doors to another life....
ohhhh how it takes a ache and a large amount of self control to keep in touch....
ohhh how life has dished us different passages of it own.....
ohhhh how i miss us....oh how i miss those times.......

ohhhh how i wish time could be reversed.....
ohhhh how i wish moments could be replayed.....
ohhhh how i wish we could forever keep in touch like we use to.....
ohhhhh how i know as much as times cannot be reversed....they re so treasured......
ohhhh how i miss my sisters....my God given friends.....Ohhhhh how i miss usss......

for my gals........